Tips & Warnings
USEFUL THINGS TO KNOW
Boots. These must be well fitting and preferably waterproof. Do not try to save money when buying boots, but spring for the pair that your feet like best. They will thank you in so many ways. Seek out an experienced salesperson in a store that specializes in outdoor gear, and by all means break those boots in by wearing them relentlessly whenever possible before setting out on the trip. Wearing them on totally inappropriate social occasions is likely to give you the desired segue into telling people where you are headed next.
Pre-hike conditioning. The inconvenient truth about this is that only when you are underway will you be able to tell whether you have done enough of it. After our first hike Ellie hired a personal trainer and started working out in a gym three times a week, cycling 25 miles a week, playing tennis and golf, and bragging about her regime. Suzy, on the other hand, continues to prepare for trips more casually; a few weeks before leaving she slings several volumes of Yellow Pages into a backpack and walks up and down three flights of stairs whenever she has nothing else to do. And yet for thirteen years Ellie has been breathlessly trying to keep up with Suzy as she scampers up the mountains like a mountain goat. Their continuing friendship is quite simply inexplicable.
Insurance. No matter how fatalistic you are, traveler’s insurance is strongly recommended. This is especially true for the Medicare set, as coverage under that plan ceases the minute you step off American soil. Most hiking companies will have a contact for arranging insurance, or you can do it independently. Be very sure to read the small print, because the lawyers who draw the policies up are much craftier than you can ever hope to be.
Luggage 101. You should always pack in your carry-on luggage sufficient clothes for at least three days. One of the two of us does not have the foresight to do this, and can be very annoying to her traveling companion when she has to wear the same clothes for days on end, whining all the time. And the one cardinal, unbreakable rule is to always have your boots either on your feet or in your carry-on luggage. They are your best friends when hiking, and separation from them can be catastrophic.
Luggage 102. You’ll want the one suitcase or duffel bag that you are permitted to bring to be large enough to accommodate everything on the lengthy equipment list furnished by the travel company. In addition, you’ll need some change of clothing for evenings that aren’t spent in tents or huts, as well as outfits suitable for sightseeing in, say, Paris. At the same time you want this piece of luggage to be roughly the size of a computer case. Believe it or not, this is possible. We have never achieved it ourselves but we have seen it done. When the group’s luggage is assembled ready for pick up in the hotel lobby, there are always a few disgustingly small bags, invariably belonging to the at-all-times best dressed hikers in the group.
Water. You will drink, and therefore need to carry, more water than you ever thought it possible to introduce into your body. Water bottles in a backpack are not always convenient, but with a “hydration pack” your water will be easily and immediately accessible at all times. These come in many different varieties; we prefer those that are incorporated into backpacks. Be aware, however, that in very cold temperatures the water will freeze and you will be attempting to suck ice through a straw.
Walking sticks. These are not a bad idea. If the terrain is uneven or if there are steep downhills they help one maintain balance. (Which, as some of us are already discovering, deteriorates with age.) We like to use two; some people are happy with just one. You will, of course, eventually lose at least one of these on a trip. Ellie left one of hers in Spain and it mysteriously found its way back to her home in Maryland one year later, by way of Seattle.
Contact lenses. Exposed areas are usually windy, and small pieces of the host country will find their way between your eye and your lens. This is painful, but because of the wind you will not be able to do much about it. And of course you will be essentially blinded and missing the spectacular scenery that was one of the main reasons you came. Wrap-around sunglasses, or “glacier glasses,” help to solve the problem.
Tipping. Guides, assistant guides and drivers all expect “meaningful” tips at the end of the trip. Some hikers like to get the entire group to pool tips together in one envelope; some people prefer to give individually. “How” is entirely up to you, but there is really no “whether” about it.
Answering the call of nature. aka “loos,” the “Green Room,” or the nearest tree. The best way to deal with this is to be born male.
BUT DON’T SAY WE DIDN’T WARN YOU...
Tents. There are parts of the world that are impossible to get to without using tents. Sometimes the destination justifies camping (eg. Kilimanjaro); sometimes it doesn’t (eg. the Atlas Mountains of Morocco). The problem with tents is not the getting in, which can be relatively easy. It’s the getting out the next morning, when arthritis will more than likely have set in overnight. Trying to greet the day by standing upright and looking well-rested first thing in the morning will be a challenge, and if done poorly it is bad for one’s image.
Huts (aka refuges or rifugios). These are supposed to be one step up from tents. Some are, some aren’t. We found a wide variation from one to the next, loosely related to the host country’s economic status. But whereas tents seldom contain more than one or two sleepers, huts positively teem with them. And every single occupant, except you, will be sleeping contentedly and snoring loudly after the healthy exertions of the day. It is very important to locate your earplugs, choose your bunk (or platform, or whatever is offered), and make up your bed before the lights out policy kicks in. It can be a very big problem if, after unwinding over a few beers after dinner, you return to the dormitory after the lights are out and have forgotten to take your flashlight. You will have to attempt to locate your unmade sleeping slab in the pitch dark in a room containing scores of them - all identical, and all but one occupied.
Wildlife. Choose carefully which wildlife you consider life-threatening, and plan your trips accordingly. Some people have an unreasonable fear of animals which are basically afraid of her, like bears. This type of fear eliminates an entire continent - specifically, North America. Pick your hiking companions with their unfounded fears in mind. Ellie didn’t. There is also the matter of snakes, or, in Australia, “snikes.” The island of Tasmania is home to more than its share of highly venomous varieties, but the natives will tell you that as long as you don’t startle them, they will probably leave you alone. This is scant consolation for unapologetic herpetophobes like ourselves. In the end we ratcheted up our courage and signed on for the Cradle Mountain Overland Track - although one of us did actually type the words “armor-plated” and “gaiters” into a fruitless Google search before heading to Tasmania.
Narrow trails alongside precipices. These generally have drop-offs that will ensure certain death, but it is embarrassing to ask about them ahead of time because the tour operator will peg you as difficult and cowardly. And tour operators rarely tell the truth, anyway. They are more likely to laugh at you in an indulgent, paternal tone of voice, despite being young enough to be your grandchildren. However, once on the trail, there is no going back. In some countries where life is considered precious there may be iron chains for you to cling to. When you are immobilized by fear you just need to remind yourself that a spectacular fall will make for a better obituary than a heart attack while weeding the garden.
Swinging bridges. Again, sometimes these are the only way to get from one side of a chasm to the other. Be aware that bridges swing from side to side and up and down. Just grip the railing on the sides for dear life, put one foot in front of the other, and keep you eyes firmly focused on your feet, not on what is (or more likely isn’t) hundreds of feet beneath them.
Raging rivers. Crossing these can sometimes necessitate leaping from slippery rock to slippery rock. Do not approach them with a negative attitude, or you will assuredly fall in. Experience has given Ellie such an attitude, and it’s always only a matter of time as to when she goes down, and who goes with her, as she will grab desperately at anyone unlucky enough to be within arm’s reach. This can be either chilling or amusing, depending on your location at that particular moment, but wet boots in cold regions will stay wet for the rest of the day. And pictures last a lifetime.
Foot issues. Even with good boots you may get blisters, toe bang, ankle soreness, and other maladies of the foot. Always travel with Ellie, if possible, because she is a (quack) podiatrist who loves nothing more than to practice her skills on unsuspecting fellow hikers. Their discomfort brings her enormous pleasure. An added benefit is that she makes room or tent calls, and such are her skills that few people ever seem to need or want more than one appointment with her. She will doctor your feet to the point where they will no longer fit into your boots.
Getting along with strangers. When inserted into a group of people you have never met before there are several quick routes to popularity. One is to bring an altimeter. Most people appreciate constant reminders as to how high they’ve climbed. Some need to know this for bragging rights, and others in order to assess their chances of actually making it alive to the top of wherever they’ve got to go. An altimeter owner will find him or herself the center of attention. Another ploy is to bring decks of playing cards. For some reason most of the people we have hiked with do not think to do this, and finding themselves with nothing to do while waiting for dinner, will inevitably gather around, their interest piqued by whatever game we happen to be playing. If you sense that an onlooker is someone who would be fun to play with, by all means share the rules of the game as you go along. If not, do your best to make it sound as confusing as possible. The two of us had a very enjoyable game of Spite and Malice underway in a small hotel in Bhutan until a woman staying in the hotel approached and hovered over us, demanding to know exactly how the game was played, quite undeterred by our increasingly monosyllabic answers. To her credit she was a quick learner, but when she began to point out plays we should make before we’d thought of them ourselves we had to gather up our cards and find another room to play in. One caveat: card playing in Greek mountain huts is strictly forbidden! Large signs posted prominently in multiple languages make this clear. It’s a shame, as there is precious little else to do in Greek mountain huts, and you will probably have been advised to limit the contents of your backpack to absolute necessities. (Ours on Mount Olympus offered as the only reading material stacks of ferry schedules written in German.) However, our otherwise flexible and accommodating guide insisted that we obey the rule on card playing, lest he lose his license as a mountain guide. Apparently card games bring out the violent side of Greeks.
Bear spray. Don’t waste your money. This is unnecessary unless you are willing to wait until the 500 lb. she bear and her two small cubs are within 10 feet of you. Further away than that, the spray is ineffective.
“Uneven paths.” This is usually a shameless euphemism for rocks, roots, boulders and other generally unpleasant surfaces that are hazardous to your bones, muscles and ligaments. Tread carefully, but do tread - the rewards are so satisfying. 